Letting Go

Being a mom is tough. Being a mom of two is tougher. Being an attachment parenting mom of two is toughest. I feel like the more I learn, the more mom guilt I tack on. You know, the whole "know better, do better" thing? Yeah, as soon as you know better, there's a whole lot more responsibility involved! Some days, I think ignorance must truly be bliss, but hey. It is what it is.

For instance, I know it's best for babies to be held as much as possible. That's their natural habitat. But when babywearing isn't really working out and I just need to eat, the swing or the bouncy seat come in handy. However, it is pretty hard not to feel bad when the baby falls asleep in it because I'm enjoying the peace and quiet too much to take her out, though. :/

Scenario 2: When the toddler is in a really bad mood and ONLY wants Mama to cuddle with her, that's usually fine! But when baby is the same way at the same time, somebody's gotta lose, unfortunately. And, man, saying no to either kiddo makes me feel like I'm losing right along with them, no matter which one it is.

Society puts so much pressure on moms, but not nearly as much as we put on ourselves. We expect ourselves to be able to be there for everyone 100% of the time, to make sure that everyone is always happy, at whatever cost to ourselves. We'll go all day without eating, a week without a shower. We'll use our own spending money on diapers for the baby or shoes for the older kiddos, and don't even get me started on how much sleep we surrender! It's a lot of sacrifice sometimes. It's all worth it, of course, but let's be honest - it isn't always fun.

Today, I'm accepting my humanity. I can't always be 100% of top of everything, making everyone happy.

So, I'm letting go of the "mom guilt" for forgetting to bring my toddler extra socks to wear after she ditched the ones she was wearing all day. I'm letting go of the mom guilt for leaving the baby asleep in her swing in the living room all night, while the rest of us slept in bed together. I'm letting go of the mom guilt for letting the baby cry for five minutes while I ate for the first time in ten hours. I'm letting go of the mom guilt for the facts that my kids have been in disposables all week, that my house is a wreck, my laundry isn't done, and my daughter ate a rice krispie's treat for breakfast.

It's okay not to be perfect. Letting baby cry for five minutes does not count as "crying it out," and she won't lose any brain cells over it. Rice Krispie treats are not very healthy and shouldn't be a diet staple, but it won't kill her to have one, once. Disposable diapers are not the very best, but in exchange for a sane(r) mom for a week.....maybe it's worth it.

I'm a good mom, I'm human, and I'm learning that the two aren't mutually exclusive. I'm letting go.