In Grace, I Find Peace

Last Thursday, Brandon and I watched a movie called “The Words.” It is about a man who publishes another man’s manuscript as his own. When he’s confronted about it (by the original author), his torment becomes clear and In one particularly emotional scene, he tells his wife “I feel like I’m going to break in half.” She looks at him and says, “Who hasn’t made a mistake?”

She’s right. Who hasn’t made a mistake? Who’s perfect?

Recently, I paid a woman to encapsulate my placenta and it did not go well. She broke the contract we signed, refused me a full refund, and quite possibly sent me another woman’s encapsulated placenta. I was angry. I felt taken advantage of. I felt I was owed some sort of vindication, something to make this “fair.”

In the movie, we heard the story of a man who had something precious taken from him, something that he couldn’t get back, something that was born though joy and suffering….something much like my placenta.

When he was offered compensation, offered recognition for his work, he refused. He said, in effect, that the young (fraudulent) author should value people more than this problem at hand, more than trying to make it right. He gave him an “out.”

Should he have been punished? Yes. Should the woman I paid to encapsulate my placenta have offered me a full refund? Yes.

I heard a quote once:

“Justice is getting what I deserve.

Mercy is not getting what I deserve.

Grace is getting what I don’t deserve.” (Cathleen Falsani)

I have been planning to sue the placenta encapsulator for the full amount I paid her, as well as damages. It would feel pretty good to have a judge tell her she was wrong…for a minute. But I have a feeling she already knows that she was wrong and her hearing it from someone else won’t get me my placenta back.

I’m not going to sue her. I’m not going to pay her to encapsulate any future placentas, nor will I recommend her or refrain from telling the truth when asked about it, but I will do my best not to hold any hard feelings against her.

I have been shown grace and mercy in my own life. Revenge belongs to God and the universe and if she truly does deserve punishment, I will not be the one to give it to her. That is not my place.

“We all make choices. The hard part is living with them.” – The Words

Some may see this as laying down and “giving up the fight,” per se, but in my heart, I know what is right for me. I’ve made my choice – I will value people more than this problem at hand, and in grace, I find peace.